Thursday, September 26, 2013
I love and miss you dad, with every day that passes, I miss you more and more. You always have been and always will be my favorite person in the world. I wish I could have had more time to spend with you into my adulthood. I know you're in heaven now, but I am selfish and want you back here with me, and it hurts me that I can't have that. You always knew how to make me feel better, and now that you're gone, I feel stuck and alone. No one else compares to you when it comes to the connection we shared on an intellectual level, and I'm not sure that anyone will ever be able to fill those shoes again. No matter how hard or difficult things got, you always pushed me through it.. Now, without you here, and with all of the other things I'm dealing with, I am feeling so much stress, anxiety, and depression and I just wish you could make it go away like you'd always magically do. You always taught me to be so strong and independent, but to a certain extent, i feel like I'm failing you. I know that i was your pride and joy, and that i made you so proud while you were here, but that almost makes the pain worse because you made me feel so worthy and loved; no one else makes me feel feel like that, not even close. I miss our deep conversations and debates because nobody else in my life can talk on the same level as you and i. No one else has the ability to keep a conversation going for hours at a time, and no one else can handle a simple debate without taking it personally; i feel as though debate is a form of learning (we shared our opinions and explained our reasoning behind those opinions without getting upset). I don't know why i feel the way i do or why this is so hard for me, but i miss you terribly, and i wish things had been different. I know i need to move on and pick myself up, but its so hard without you here. You were my mentor, my father, and greatest of all, my best friend, and you always will be. Someday, when the time is right, i will meet you in heaven and we can once again reconnect and this despair will be eliminated, but until then, i will attempt to stay strong for you and i will try to make my life more enjoyable for myself. Someday, i will pass on the knowledge you have given to me onto my family, and i will try my best to make you proud as your daughter. You are and always have been my inspiration to keep moving forward, and I will continue to move forward in this crazy life I am forced to live in. I promise you that, even with all of the dips and turns I may face, I will always keep you in mind, and I will always fight for my life and fight for what's right. I will always present myself with the respect, consideration, intelligence, and love that you taught me. I will graduate from college, get my bachelors and masters, and be independent and successful, because that's what you always wanted for me; I will make you even more proud than you already were before you had passed... There is so much more i could say, but there's an unlimited amount of things and it would be impossible for me to type it all out. All I can say, is I love and miss you, and I always will.
